This is going to be a bit awkward for me. And for you. We are all going to have to be very adult about this. If you are sensitive about discussing… intimacies, then look away now. Because we are going to have to confront the facts with courage and fortitude. Ducks have sex. Oh, you didn’t quite catch that? They have Sex. SEX. SEX. Let’s call it something less.. well, I think mating is the correct word, although given the fact that the female suffers total submersion during the proceedings, ‘ducking’ would not be wholly out of place…

Muscovy ducks turn out to be very interesting in this area. A quick piece of research about them unearthed this unbeatable wiki-nugget of anatidaean life: “Male Muscovy Ducks have spiralled penises which can become erect to 20 cm in one third of a second. Females have cloacas that spiral in the opposite direction to try to limit forced copulation by males”. 

SPRINGTIME. I THINK IT’S TIME TO FIND MYSELF… A LADY FRIEND

OH MY GOODNESS. THAT “1/3 OF A SECOND THING” IS STARTING TO HAPPEN…

QUICK. AH. THERE’S ONE. SHE LOOKS NICE. LET’S SEE HOW THINGS DEVELOP.

YAY! I ENJOYED THAT

ME TOO… I THINK      

YES, ALL OK NOW